Thursday, August 04, 2005

Self Appraisal

Its that time of the year for appraisal. Yippedidoodaaa.....
No really, yippiee.......*skip around and toss confetti* woooo!!!

LoL. Well, basically there are 2 ways of appraisal. 1st is the one way appraisal where your boss appraises your performance for the year solely based on his/her views. Second is self appraisal system where you get to rate yourself.

I was recently handed my appraisal form. We practice self appraisal here. Geee, i really dont know if i should leap in joy or what. Of course i like the idea that i get to have a say in rating my own performance cos well, i'd get to say things i think to be note-worthy and perhaps hide the flaws behind those strengths.

However, as a typical chinese i have a strong sense of humility in me. I've been brought up in a typical chinese family where we were always thought to deny all praises. Whenever someone commented that i'm pretty, its always a reflect response to deny it...."no lah where got lah pretty..." Whenever someone praises me how smart i am, automatically the reflect response is also to deny it "nolah....where got....i'm very stupid wan....". Thus denying any good comments or praises have become a default answer. Self praise is such a big nono in this community. Never ever praise yourself infront of others, else you'd be known as such a snob. I think this somehow causes me to have a rather low self-esteem and often have the inferiority complex thingie going on. I often feel that i'm not good enough, that i have not done enough.

This character of mine absolutely effects me when i do self appraisal. I can't bring myself to mark anything above average as i've always viewed myself as an average performer. I also often feel that i've not done good enough.

I guess this is something we as asians face in our common lives. Where the Americans for example, are very confident lot!! Take a look at all the those participants in fear factor! Every single one of them shows absolute confidence that they would win the task eventhough they know for sure that they cant do it. I mean, what makes them portray such remarkable confidence? Like for example eventhough they cant swim they still exhibit the confidence that they can perform the underwater task and win. As for me, well i'm such a deny-er. " no i can't", " i'm not good enough", " i can't possibly..." these are common swirling comments i throw out to any challenge.

Anyway, for the appraisal i rated a teeeny bit above average. I finally put forth enough courage to say enough good things about my work and rated a couple of qualities above average. Although i did quickly so rated some of them qualities below average....LOL *smack own forehead*. But its a good start. I'm such an honest person i totally suck at lying.

Signing Off,


Darren said...

You know what, my guys actually try to rate themselves as low as possible while the boss will try to rate them higher. That's for some reason of course! Hahaha..

Anonymous said...

You are truly asian. =)

Fashionasia said...

darren: for wat reason leh???

ahpink: i knowww!!!!!!! Actually its only untill i started working in KL that i learn to show more confidence in myself.